LONDON, England - A judiciary hearing was held in London's High Court Monday to determine whether or not singer George Michael has reached a level of public nuisance which should prohibit him from ever being allowed to interact with society again.
Michael's court records were wheeled into the High Court by wheelbarrow and deposited on the Courtroom floor directly below the Chief Justice as visually compelling proof that there is nothing else the judiciary system can do to prevent Mr. Michael from eventually injuring a large number of people he comes in contact with. The argument was strong that if allowed to go free after his jail time is served, innocent people could not only be highly annoyed by Michael's antics but might even succumb to death due to his out-of-control behavior.
In rendering his decision, Justice Humperburrumpletedy told those attending the hearing "Mr. George Michael has proven himself to be incapable of changing his annoying habit of showing up around London drunk on his rump, high as a kite and smelling to high heaven. The fact that he has gone through 34 Mercedes Benz C-class automobiles in the past two weeks is testament to his inability to comprehend just how asinine his behavior has become. Even the men he trolls for in public restrooms are complaining of his inability to perform due to the drugs he ingests. It is simply time to pull the plug on Mr. Michael."
The sentence handed down by Justice Humperburrumpletedy is the first ever of its kind, although Amy Winehouse may just be the next in line. Ms. Winehouse's saving grace may be that she has finally gotten the message that public urination is not ladylike, especially during a court proceeding.
Astonishingly, when told of the High Court's decision, George Michael appeared to be elated and gave a brief statement. "Who cares? I hope they keep me locked up for a long time. All that time on the outside looking for love in all the wrong places when this joint was the answer to my prayers. Go ahead Judge, lock me up and throw away the key, cause I just died and went to heaven."