Written by Stefano M. Stefano
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Topics: Spencer Pratt

Tuesday, 14 September 2010

This past weekend entertainers from movies, TV, and music came together to lend their voice in a world-wide campaign to defeat the most malignant cancer of them all. No, not, *that* kind of cancer, but rather the cancer that is reality TV show doofus Spencer Pratt.

Now that 'The Hills', the ho-so-fake 'reality' television series about a bunch of plastic bimbos in Los Angeles, and their trials and tribulations about what cocktail to drink and what shade of nail polish to buy on Rodeo Drive for $200 has ceased production, co-star Spencer Pratt, has sought out ways to remain in the public eye.

Enter the news story that Pratt The Donkey was detained in Costa Rica for possession of a firearm. Ever the boy-genius, Pratt the Douchebag, claimed that he'd 'forgotten' he'd been carrying the weapon, and that he'd used it for 'hunting' and that he'd 'forgotten' it was in his luggage.

Trust Pratt The Dick to take credit for something that he didn't even do in the first place.

It's been revealed that the gun had been secretly planted there by movie star Harrison Ford, in an entertainment industry plan to keep Pratt locked up and out of the United States permanently.

"We all hate the ferret-face," Ford explained, flanked by Robin Williams, Beyonce, Madonna, Daniel Craig, Hannah Montana, J-Lo, William Shatner, Jessica Alba, David Tennant, Bruce Willis, Ozzy Osbourne, Gene Simmonds, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, David Spade, Justin Biebre, Justin Timberlake, Justin Hammer (a fictional character from the Iron Man comic book series), and many more other real celebrities.

"It was my idea to make it look like Pratt was burning a Qaran, but some nutso-looney was already doing that somewhere else," admitted Hulk Hogan.

"We had a really fun time at the Stand Up To Cancer TV event, and, like, there was all kinds of hot designer clothes and, like, lots of good food, and like, all those Justins in the same place and the same time, and, like--" Paris Hilton rambled, until she was cut off by William Shatner.

"What Paris Airhead is trying to say is that we all came together for a great, great, important cause that would benefit everyone, everywhere, so that we could all live longer, happier lives without this malignant disease. Oh, and we wanted to cure cancer, too."

Unfortunately, the next planned plant didn't work very well, thanks to the bungling of Will Ferrell, who evidently snuck a vial of anthrax into the wrong suitcase, so an elderly retired couple from Trimley St.Mary in the U.K. was frisked, strip searched, and detained for 72 hours by the Costa Rican police, then recruited as agents and sent on a secret mission to neighboring Nicaragua.

A day of mourning was held as Pratt the Prick arrived in L.A.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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