Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 13 September 2010

image for MTV Music Video Awards: Taylor Swift's Song Is Pretty and Kanye West's Song Is One Big Gigantic Mess
Britney Spears was banned from the MTV Music Video Awards due to her impending Australian lip syncing charges.

LOS ANGELES - The 2010 MTV Music Video Awards went on without a major incident. The show was hosted by Chelsea Handler, who many TV critics refer to as the most highly unknown person to ever host an award show in the entire history of award shows going all the way back to 1907.

Handler, who is 35, but looks 45, has apparently been around quite sometime performing her stand up comedy act somewhere.

She has been described as looking a little like a very tired Vanna White but with wrinkles, cellulite, sarcasm, and a potty mouth that can put Northwest lumberjacks to shame.

Several of the evenings acts actually thought that Handler was one of the backstage hair stylists. And Beyonce hollered out at her to bring her a fish sandwich with Cheetos on the side.

Lady Gaga, who was nominated for 13 Moonmen Awards walked away with eight. The artist formerly known as Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, wore a total of nine different costumes ranging from Civil War plantation curtains to something you would find on the floor in Elton John's costume closet.

The Ga, as her close friends call her, won eight Moonmen Awards including Best Pop Video, Best Video, Best Female Video, and Best Music Video By A Hermaphrodite.

Little Canadian singing sensation Justin Bieber won the Best New Artist Award as well as The Male Artist With The Best Looking Hair Award.

Justin said that he wanted to dedicate his Male Artist With The Best Hair Award to his personal hair stylist FuFi Fondue whom Bieber said is gay, but who is a really funny type of gay.

Taylor Swift did not win a friggin thing. She did perform a song titled "Innocent" which was about Kanye "The Pest" West and how she forgave him for acting like a complete piece of palomino poop at last year's award show.

Kanye performed a song entitled "Runaway" in which he came out dressed all in red (even shoes and underwear) and looked a lot like he could be one of Santa Claus's helpers, assuming of course Santa had black helpers which he doesn't.

Westy played a little child's toy piano and hit about nine whole notes before the orchestra took over. Kanye said that his song was dedicated to all the people who have bad mouthed him and spoken harshly about the way he treated the little white cracker Taylor Swift.

Kanye's song was actually bleeped about 63 times, which breaks Eminem's record set in 2008. The lyrics were really hard to understand at times especially when he added the raspy effect in an effort to achieve an African vampire type quality.

"The Pest" West did not hold back as he called people in his song every bad name from douch*bags to as*holes, and whor*s to tea bag*ers.

Cher, who at 87, does not look a day over 85, remarked that apparently Kanye the Bitch is still not ready to make nice.

In a related story. The cast of The Jersey Shore received a special Moonman Award for Reality TV Show Cast Most Likely To End Up In Prison.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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