Following Pixie Lott's appearance as a guest X-Factor judge, sales of photoshopped and completely faked nude calendar shots of the singer have soared at the sole outlet, Ali Bullo's kebab van in Basingstoke.
Ali Bullo would like us to point out that he merely owns the van, and rents it out, and that whatever activities go on in his kebab vans outside of selling his kebabs is not his responsibility. Including renting out porno DVD's and crap copies of the latest Hollywood blockbusters.
During which people can be seen on your TV screen getting up to go for a piss in the theatre where the movie was originally pirated.
Franchisee, Mehmet O'Malley, who offers the nude Pixie Lott calendars from underneath the counter of his Basingstoke kebab van, told Skoob Entertainment News's Buffty Ginslinger:
"Pixie Lott nude calendars sellin' like hot cakey innit. I not done them - it was dodgy geezer name Manchester Dave offer me job lot nude Pixie calendars for two hundred quid. I knocks 'em aht for a tenner a pop innit. It not even really Pixie Lott - it am all photoshopped with Pixie mush and head on Jordan and Paris Hilton and stuff peeps body. Punters love it. Many come to me and ask for chicken kebab with the works and under counter Pixie Lott calendar. Me no complain. Is profit for me and not that robbing bastard Ali Bullo. Him just fucking daylight robber thief innit."
Ali Bullo declined to comment, but did hint to Buffty Ginslinger that Mehmet O'Malley had better get his sorry arse down to the Job Centre, as his cousin Putphut needed a job.
More as we get it.