Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 11 September 2010

image for Simon Cowell Calls Lou Reed's Refusal To Let Susan Boyle Sing His Song Simply A Sad, Sad Case of Sour Grapes
Lou Reed standing in the doorway of his trailer house in Bacon Butt, Mississippi.

LONDON - Simon Cowell has spoken out against Lou Reed's refusal to let Susan Boyle, aka SuBo, sing the song "Perfect Day" which he wrote back in 1972.

Miss Boyle, the sensational songstress from Scotland was supposed to have sung the song on America's Got Talent, but just a mere two hours before the show was to start, Lou "Mr. Boo Hoo" Reed called and said that he would not give permission for Boyle to sing his song.

Simon Cowell, the former American Idol judge, who has been called the Sultan of Sarcasm, the Count of Criticism, and the Viceroy of Venom told reporters that Mr. Lou Reed realized that Susan Boyle's rendition would utterly have blow his paltry version out of the damm blimey bloomin' water.

Cowell went on to say that Reed is nothing more than an old rusty relic from the past who hardly anyone even remembers. Simon added that it all boiled down to simply a sad, sad case of sour grapes.

[EDITOR'S NOTES: Other than "Perfect Day" Lou "The Fuhrer" Reed's other two hits included, "Listen To My Pretty Song Cause's It's Real Pretty" and "I Write Great Songs, Really Great Songs, Not Like Lennon and McCartney, I Mean Really Great Songs."]

Cowell has said that he will do his best to see that no one, absolutely no one, ever books Lou the Shrew to even perform at a child's birthday party at McDonald's.

Simon said that he has the support of his good friend Ryan Seacrest who said that he is planning a nationwide 'Get Your Lou Reed Singles, Albums, and CDs and Burn The Pieces of Skunk Sh*t.'

SIDENOTE: Lou Reed was reached at the Smelly Shrimp Net Motel in Gator Groin, Louisiana where he had just finished performing for 8 people in the Smelly Shrimp Net Lounge. He was asked to comment on the ongoing brouhaha regarding his song. He looked up from the floor where he was sitting and replied, "Ah...well [hic] I guess that [hic] I may have [hic, hic, hic]."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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