Written by Stevey G.
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Wednesday, 8 September 2010

image for Stephen Hawking to appear on 'Dancing on Ice'
Stephen Hawking takes a well-earned rest between skating lessons

TV bosses in charge of the BBC programme 'Dancing on Ice', have expressed their delight at the reported increase in viewing figures for the last series, brought about by the inclusion of amputee, Heather Mills as a contestant.

A BBC spokesman said earlier today, 'Admittedly, many viewers tuned in initially to see if she would fall flat on her boney arse, but I believe she endeared herself to the audience after two or three programmes.'

In an attempt to replicate this success, and in order to satisfy European guidelines regarding the number of disabled people on TV, the BBC have announced that the next series of 'Dancing on Ice' will include wheelchair-bound, Stephen Hawking and blind politician, David Blunkett MP.

'This is extremely exciting news for the BBC', continued the spokesman.'We at the BBC believe that this ground-breaking formula will send the ratings soaring'.

Well, most will agree that combining the chronically disabled and an ice-rink is definately ground-breaking, but worryingly is also potentially bone-breaking.

Olympians Torville and Dean remain upbeat and keen to take on the challenge, but are acutely aware of the problems ahead.

'David's blindness will be a significant obstacle to overcome', said Christopher Dean. 'But I can't see him being any worse than Todd Carty.'

'The initial obstacle was getting ice-skates to fit Mr. Blunkett's guide-dog, Flossie', admitted Jayne Torville.'We had to get them specially made in the end.'

'I can't see any problems', said Blunkett. 'But then again I can't see anything at all'.

Wheelchair-bound scientist, nuclear-physicist and general genius, Stephen Hawking appeared cautiously optimistic.

Using Newton's law of motion, Hawking hopes to construct a mathematical model, which should enable him to be the first wheelchair-bound skater to perform a triple axel with lutz.

'I'm ve-ry exc-i-ted', said Hawking.

However,inside sources have suggested that Hawking is not looking forward to prop-week.

'He's praying that he doesn't get the umbrella or hat', said our insider.

Hawking...praying? Now that is unbelievable!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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