Written by Kenneth Manboobs
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Wednesday, 4 May 2005

image for American Idol Shocker: Scott Savol Quits, Apologizes for Wasting Viewers' Time
"I'm sorry, soooo sorry"

Los Angeles - The big news of this American Idol season was supposed to be last week when popular rocker Constantine Maroulis was booted from competition. As of today, that news seems tame.

Overweight, racially confused Idol hopeful Scott Savol has called a press conference to announce that he will not continue this season's competition. With only a few weeks left some wonder what Savol will offer up in the way of an explanation?

Some speculation revolves around allegations of misconduct with American Idol's sweetheart judge Paula Abdul, but a source close to the show said that that rumor was false. "We know that ABC will be airing various accusations about our show this week. The information that is going around now pertaining to Paula and Scott is particularly untrue. I'm not even sure with as big as Scott is that he can clean himself properly, and Paula is part Muslim. They are very clean people you know."

A better guess as to why the contestant some have called "the big, white Luther Vandross downgrade" will be leaving the show has to do with his utter lack of talent, and style. "We don't want another Ruben on our hands," said one Fox exec in reference to the season 2 winner Ruben Studdard who ballooned up to 600 pounds.

While Ruben and Scott may share an affinity for butter and cottage cheese wraps they do not share the same ability to carry a tune. Weblogs, or blogs, dealing mainly with American Idol gossip have chatted up Savol as the show's "Houdini". User keLLyNClaY4eveR writes "Scott is soooo gross LOL. I hope that he dances with his father right off of stage."

One of Savol's closest friends, who asked not to be identified, said that Scott would be apologizing at his press conference for embarrassing himself and his family week after week on national television. A portion of the singer's statement was recently obtained, "When the show started I kind of did this on a dare. But I kept making it to the next round and I didn't want the ride to stop. I figured that I would get kicked off at some point."

The statement goes on to say that Scott was "most sorry for the way I've stereotyped African Americans. The producers thought I looked better as a black guy. While it was not my idea, I have to bear some of the responsibility."

The press conference is tentatively scheduled for Wednesday, shortly before the voting results of the popular reality show are announced.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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