England boss Fabio Capello says Wayne Rooney will play in Tuesday's Euro 2012 qualifier in Switzerland, despite allegations about his private life.
In the mean time, it is rumoured that Roman Polanski will be putting the young striker through a gruelling, week long, bout of non stop whoring, allegedly, with a brief break for some, on the pitch ball control, before getting back down and dirty with the greasy, perverted Pole.
Allegedly, they will be trawling the seedy underbelly of the Swiss capital, sampling a smorgasbord of salacious Swiss sauciness, although some doubt has been cast on Rooneys abilities to deliver a solid performance.
"Bollocks, he was really good in training and he will be in a good situation after Tuesday, once he has dealt with that football nonsense" said Roman Polanski, who has all manner of filth lined up for the frisky footballer, naughty nurses, groping grannies and willing, wannabe wags.
"I have thought of everything to tempt him" continued the dirty director, "I even have a 45 year old bank worker from Rugby who will do things with a pussy in a wheelie bin, so I've heard, I booked her without even seeing her act because it sounded right up my alley.
I invited Wayne for a degenerate bender and that is what he will see, yes, that's right, George Michael is coming too!"