Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 4 September 2010

image for Kirstie Alley's Neighbors Are Furious Because The Actress Has Two Dozen Pets and Virtually Lives In A Freakin' Zoo
One of Kirstie Alley's pet pigs, which she named Becky, after Glenn Beck.

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Kirstie Alley's neighbors are up in arms. It seems that the 409 pound celebrity has managed to amass a total of 25 different pets and they literally roam around her property and the inside of her once-exquisite house.

A neighbor who did not want to be identified said that it has gotten simply ridiculous as her and her family can hear barking, meowing, mooing, quacking, roaring, hissing, cluck clucking, oink oinking, and cock-a-doodle doing at all hours of the day and night.

Phoebe Lola Bittfielder, 32, one of Kirstie's neighbors, said that her little three-year-old daughter Tabitha Felicia asked her the other day during dinner if they lived in Africa.

Her father, Taylor Buford Bittfielder, who is kind of on the gruff side replied, "Honey, one would effen think so, and please excuse my damn French sweety."

Tabitha Felicia smiled and said, "Oh that's okay daddy, Mommy always uses words like effen, friggin, freakin, frackin, and mofoing all the time, so it's not like I haven't heard the word effen before, daddy can you pass me the baby carrots please."

Kirstie has been contacted by the local sheriff's department and she says that she has papers for each one of the 25 animals, which include a Gaboon Viper that has already been blamed for the disappearance of three neighborhood cats, a peacock, and a Galapagos turtle.

SIDENOTE: Kirstie's attorney has stated that as long as none of her animals bite a human being she could conceivably have as many and 200 animals or critters as Elly May Clampett would say.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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