Simon Cowell is to bring his X Factor magic to the Government as it struggles to establish its brand and improve its image.
David Cameron said: "My background is in PR and I know how much more important it is to be seen to be doing things rather than actually doing things. We don't want policies that actually work, we want policies which the public THINK will work."
David Cameron then took the gimp mask of Nick Clegg and allowed him to speak: "We believe that the way Mr Cowell manages to persuade the unsuspecting public that they want something they never asked for is exactly what this Lib Dem/Tory coaltion needs and............" He was cut off as Cameron replaced the mask.
Cowell was unavailable for comment as he was putting the final touches to his Middle East peace plan that he is putting together for President Obama and Benjamin Netanyahu. However, we understand that henceforth all government policies will be presented by a series of senior civil servants in front of Simon Cowell, David Cameron and Cheryl Cole - as well as a baying crowd of the public. To go forward, the policies will need two yeses from the judges.
Susan Boyle says she is very excited about her ideas for "quantitative easing" - although she might just sing "I had a dream" again.