Written by Bureau

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Wednesday, 1 September 2010

image for Kristen Srewart: Leaving Tooth Marks On My Breasts!

"Oh I know this vampire thing isn't going to hurt me as I don't know of any real vampires, except people like Bernie Madoff who suck the life right out of people. But we, Robert Pattinson and I, felt something very strange when we went back and saw the old castle grounds of a monster named Dracula", stated Kristen Stewart as she and Pattinson made their way back to the United States.

She told reporters that she didn't know how people stayed sane back in the days of Vlad the Impaler.

"I mean, there were also others like him, only they picked out innocent people to tie up and burn."

Stewart and Pattinson stated that they were glad to be back in the US after their experiences.

"I think we're both ready to get filming again so we can forget all those horrors", stated Pattinson. "I don't care if it's about vampires, zombies or the Beatles. I just want to be back into a sane world once again...relatively speaking."

"Is that a pun about the relatives?", asked Stewart?

"Not really. It just came out that way."

So the couple say that they are fine and planning to stay together in spite of Robert's ancestry.

"Here in the bright lights, all that seems silly now", continued Stewart. "But over there in Eastern Europe it was horribly real."

"Conclusion..we won't be having any babies leaving little bite marks on mommy's hooters. I can say that here, but I couldn't over there. Even the air is heavy with menace."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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