Written by Sophlup
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Topics: Simon Cowell

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

Talent show judge and professional national annoyance, Simon Cowell, has been admitted to hospital after shoving a hot poker up his own bottom.

The incident happened after he had watched a re-run of the popular reality show 'Britain's Got Talent', on which he is a judge. Cowell, known for his often nasty verdicts and tactless replies, was so appalled by his own behaviour that he heated up a metal poker and promptly tried to push it up his own bottom. He is now in hospital recovering from serious burns to his buttocks.

Dr. McNugget, who is treating Cowell, is still trying to fully understand why Simon decided to do this-

"He hadn't been drinking and he isn't a depressive. At this current stage, the only reason for this strange state of affairs that I can think of is that he must have watched the programme and felt enough guilt to have self-inflicted pain. A rare case of Guiltus Mortimus."

Simon's condition is not life-threatening, however, and it is hoped that he will be well enough to hurl insults and marry his third wife in the next few weeks. ITV has said that they are wishing him a quick recovery as the X-factor finals are due very soon.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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