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Tuesday, 31 August 2010

image for Waxy, Wig-Wearing Senior Citizen Charged With Impersonating Sly Stallone
ABOVE: Rocky star Talia Shire explains how she rubs her left hand to rid herself of hand pain.

Police in Beverly Hills, CA are red-faced over the arrest of Academy Award-winning author Sylvester Stallone, believing that Stallone was impersonating himself.

"I had no idea it was him," explained Officer Tad Hunter of the LAPD. "All I saw was a 75 year old man wearing a wig and what appeared to be a Kim John Il Hallowe'en mask, who toldl me that he is Sly Stallone. I didn't buy it.

"It happens occasionally," said LAPD spokesperson Boards Hortz. "Especially in L.A. County. You know a famous actor from a movie they were in 40 years ago: You see them today and, well, it is surprising.

Indeed, some recent photos of the Academy Award-winning (!) actor/writer show that he's had some... er,work done.

"Who the f--k is this?" asked butcher-to-the-stars Dr. Frank Ryan, when showed recent photos of Stallone. "This man's face is pulled so tight he now appears to be Korean. And the jet-black wig is just terrible. Hey, did you notice there are no guardrails on the PCH? Weird, huh?"

Did you know?

Sylvester Stallone wrote or co-wrote over 40 screenplays? In addition to "Rocky 15: Beating a Dead Horse" Sly has sequels to "F.I.S.T." and "Stop or My Mom Will Shoot" already in production.

The police officer who watched Sly fail to come to a complete stop states that Sly vehemently "disagreed" with the officer's version of the events -- and was "less than cordial. We're not talking Mel Gibson a--holey, but certainly less than cordial."

We're guessing all the talk didn't serve Stallone well -- according to our sources, the "Expendables" star got slapped with a citation.

The Lords of Flatbush, Cannonball, Rocky, F.I.S.T., Paradise Alley, Rocky II

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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