An examination of dental records by an international team of oral surgeons has concluded that Cheryl Cole has little to no English blood in her veins. The gorgeous celebrity, little known outside of the United Kingdom, has a full set of white flawless teeth. Records indicate that Cole never has had braces or cosmetic surgery performed on her mouth and that her teeth are all natural.
The news didn't come as a shock to the English. "Blimey, she's an awful beautiful woman, she is," said Andy Capp, who was using his dole money to drown his sorrows at a local pub stinking of stale tobacco and urine, "but God, those teeth! Teeth ain't supposed ta be white and straight! It's like staring at a row a tombstones, it is!"
English people are instantly recognized the world over for their cracked, twisted dentition and famous for the space between their two upper front incisors. While some English opt for corrective surgery, the cost is often out of reach for most English people because of the extent of the work needing to be done and the cost of international travel to a country with dentists.