Written by Karen Fish
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Topics: Michael Jackson

Saturday, 28 August 2010

Elvis has left the building but the most famous part of Michael Jackson is back on center court. This week Stephen Hawking said that the only way for human beings to escape extinction from nuclear wars, global warming, overpopulation and reality television was to go to live in outer space. Michael Jackson and Stephen Hawking were close friends. Stephen Hawking was the one who turned Michael Jackson onto cryonics, freezing the body after death to enable it to be Lazarusized when the technology becomes available, or the King of Kings returns, whichever comes first.

Do you remember how long it took to bury Michael Jackson? Finally a date was set but then Farrah Fawcett had the nerve to be buried on The King's burial date. This was his first date since he married The King's daughter. Eventually a fake burial was staged for Michael Jackson. Why was there no private or public viewing? Who has their funeral at the Staples Center?

Here is the official story: Michael Jackson was interred at Forest Lawn cemetary in Los Angeles, in Forest Lawn's Great Mausoleum, in a crypt in the Holly Terrace Section. What's a crypt? Is this like Kryptonite? Superman's parents launched Superman into outer space just before the destruction of their planet. Stephen Hawking, the world's smartest man is now getting his ideas to save mankind from Marvel.

In fact, Michael Jackson is now frozen stiff in Scottsdale, Arizona at the Alcor Life Extension Foundation. Dr. Conrad Murray's defense is that Michael Jackson isn't dead, he's just sleeping. Serena Williams has now been added to Dr. Conrad Murray's witness list because last week at the Alcor Life Extension Foundation a team of world renowned scientists including Stephen Hawking thawed out Michael Jackson's nose and transplanted it onto Serena Williams.

This is the reason that Serena Williams withdrew from the upcoming US Open. Serena's new nose is still not on tight enough yet. How embarrassing would it be for Serena Williams to have her nose fall off on match point in front of a world wide audience? As a condition of Serena's probation for last year's meltdown at the US Open she must not cause any more commotions or face a ban from major tournaments. Would it be a commotion if Serena's nose fell off during play, she continued the rally with a gaping hole in her face, and women and children ran screaming from Arthur Ashe Stadium hysterically? Anyways Serena looks fabulous; she went from looking like Marvin Hagler with a wig to looking like Mariah Carey. Michael Jackson always wanted to win a major and it looks like Nike has now arranged it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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