Written by Bill Licks
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Thursday, 26 August 2010

image for Preston proposes to Chantelle again on Ultimate Big Brother
Brian Dowling's fan club react angrily to his name not appearing in this story

Ordinary Boys singer Samuel Preston has proposed to serial wag Chantelle Houghton for the second time after the couple had been married and divorced.

The romantic gesture happened in the final series of Ultimate Big Brother currently screening on Channel 4 when the housemates were given a task to perform a mock wedding ceremony.

The couple were chosen to be bride and groom in a secret vote by all housemates although Portuguese shim Nadia was disqualified from the contest after she received the most votes to be both bride and groom.

Rapper Coolio will perform the marriage ceremony but first both the bride and groom will have a mock stag and hen do prior to the wedding.

Buxom ebony beauty Makosi Musambasi will perform an erotic strip for the groom while 'Nasty' Nick Bateman will infiltrate Chantelle's hen do after the Tree of Temptation challenged him to convince the bride to spend a night in his bed.

If housemates successfully pass the task they will be rewarded with their own ITV2 series - When Chantelle Met Preston. A bit like When Katie Met Peter but without any funny looking blind kids..... or viewers.

Meanwhile producers have announced future tasks will include challenging Swedish gilf Ulrika Jonsson to conceive, gestate and give birth to John McCriricks child in the space of 2 weeks; demanding talentless fuckwit Nikki Graham to skewer herself with a giant kebab stick before spit roasting herself over a barbecue; and offering lady-man Nadia the opportunity to perform a sex change operation on the male housemate of her choice - although this idea may well be scrapped as there isn't enough room in the house for any more irritating cunts.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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