Singer Justin Bieber was detained in Kanata, Canada late Tuesday afternoon and extensively interrogated by authorities, reportedly at the behest of their teen-aged daughters.
"What's you favorite color?" barked Lt. Daniel Reragard in a transcript of the event that was heavily dependent on verbs other than "said." "What is your idea of a dream date?"
"I'll handle this," spat Colonel Bruce Relly, whose daughter Keahmu heads the Official Justin Bieber Fan Club of Cavalry Grammar School, 5th Grade. "What is your favorite color? Briefs or boxers? Describe your perfect girl!"
Though officials had allegedly considered grilling Bieber using the "good cop, bad cop" model, the session reportedly got out of hand when several officers pulled rank and began speaking over their superiors.
"Enough of these games, dammit! How do you get your hair to do that?" chirped rookie Shel Schmeder, unleashing a barrage of questions that continued for almost three hours. "Is it true you're going into acting next?"
Chief Hamley Bratton later defended the decision of his team. "Look, we had questions, he had answers--it's that simple," Bratton growled in a statement. "We got the information we needed and he got to sing his grating little songs that burrow into your brain like a shaggy-headed grub at his concert at Scotiabank Place tonight. No harm, no foul."