MALIBU BEACH - America's most popular dancing couple Derek "The Dancing Dude" Hough and his English girlfriend Cheryl "The Dancing Doll" Cole, together with Derek's sister Julianne Hough, and her American Idol boyfriend Ryan Seacrest threw the largest, most expensive, and most celebrity filled nude beach party in the history of nude beach parties.
The party was held at the beachfront home of Ryan Seacrest. The event was literally a who's who of all types of entertainment genres.
The stars of the vampire series Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were both there, but Stewart who is a little on the shy side spent most of the time with a Frisbee placed in front of her pink palace.
She really was not too concerned about exposing her two girls but she did keep her bikini taco covered up.
Pamela Anderson was also there and she did not mind showing everything and then some. Internet blogger Perez Hilton did remark that someone should have given 43-year-old Pammy three Frisbees.
Crystal Bowersox, who came in second in this year's American Idol provided the music along with 70's icons The Eagles and Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young. It was rather interesting during the second set the Eagles performed CSN&Y songs and CSN&Y performed Eagles songs.
Lady Gaga showed up wearing a 1920 bloomers type of swimsuit but soon removed it revealing an ultra modern 2010 swimsuit, which put to rest the rumor that she has a pee-pee between her legs. Well she does sometimes, but it's not hers.
Lecherous comedian Dane Cook could not take his eyes off of Lady Gaga's privates. Finally one of the stars of Dancing With The Stars, the "Bad Boy of The Ballroom" Maksim Chmerkovskiy walked over to Cook and told him to quit staring at Gaga or he would pick him up and throw him in the ocean.
Cook reminded Maksim that he was merely a dancer and there was just no way he could do that. Maks picked up Dane and carried him to the water as if he was carrying a little sack of potatoes.
Dane was screaming and Cameron Diaz and Hayden Panettiere started laughing. Cameron said that Cook sounded a little bit like Ann Coulter. Panettiere agreed and added that Coulter is a whole lot manlier than Cook.
When Maksim returned to the beach chairs Lady Gaga went up and planted a big gigantic kiss right on his lips. Maks looked up, gained his composure, and asked if there were any more guys who would like to insult the lovely Gaga by staring at her lovely garden.
Adam Lambert went up to Vienna Girardi and told her that he was a hell of a lot prettier than she was. At first she started to argue but then she stopped when Queen Latifah walked up to her and told her to shut the eff up because Lamby boy is a whole lot prettier than not only her but a whole lot of others girls who were present such as all three of the big assed Kardashian sisters, Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney; Paula Abdul; and of course lesbianites Melissa Etheridge, Rosie O'Donnell, and Wanda Sykes.
Zac Efron was talking to one of the judges on Dancing With The Stars Carrie Ann Inaba, but soon realized that it was not Carrie Ann, but lookalike DWTS dancer Cheryl Burke. He quickly apologized, but Cheryl told him not to worry that even Carrie Ann's mother sometimes gets them both mixed up.
Charlie "Brewski" Sheen was there but Ryan asked him if he wouldn't mind going inside the house because he was causing some of the guys, including him to feel a big of a size complex.
Charlie said "no problema amigo" and he went inside and started mingling with the amazingly endowed Sofia Vergara of the sit-com Modern Family.
Derek and Ryan said that everything went well. Cheryl Cole said that she had never before seen so much nudity. Julianne said that she hadn't either but added that it was sure a lot more fun than going to the circus.
SIDENOTE: Reports are that three guests who were not invited showed up but were turned away. The three were Mel "From Hell" Gibson, Naomi "The Queen of Mean" Campbell, and Dr. Laura Schlessinger who said that she wanted to talk to Queen Latifah and apologize for having used the "N" word 11 times on her show a few days prior.