Forget OK! Forget Hello! You can even ignore Heat and Star and Grazia and Look… You won't find this exclusive on any of the news stands…(we get the picture, ed).
Or on those celeb gossip bits in between ad breaks on C5.
Spoof is the only place to read this latest sensational news about Katie Price.
Our celebrity reporter Ginny Nail-Varnish reports from inside the Price entourage...
"I have been travelling with Katie for six weeks now and can tell you that this latest news is completely exclusive to The Spoof.
"I was able to get the low-down, because I have managed to win Katie's trust. After her romantic problems she was very defensive and reserved.
"But I have managed to become very close with her and she now feels she can open up to me. (You're nearly at your word limit, ed).
"She finally unbosomed herself to me one evening as we were being driven from Manchester to London. She had had a tiring day, promoting her new book, and the evening ahead was looking dauntingly busy - what with parties and celeb clubbing to contend with.
"She was very tired and we were sharing a bottle of Chablis. As we approached the M6 poll road she rang a friend on her mobile for ten minutes, then, after checking her schedule... (Where's the bloody story, dammit? That's it, you're fired, ed).