Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 23 August 2010

image for Lindsay Lohan's Girlfriend Samantha Ronson To Star In "The Viciously Vile Vampire From Hell"
Samantha Ronson as she appears as the vampire Sarah "The Raven" Palinfellacunn.

HOLLYWOOD - Lions Door Pictures in association with The Gladiator Motion Picture Company has just announced that they will soon begin production on Martello Pellagrini's film The Viciously Vile Vampire From Hell.

The movie will star Samantha Ronson, better known as Lindsay "LiLo" Lohan's on-again, off-again love interest.

Pellagrini said that when he was looking to cast the lead role of Sarah "The Raven" Palinfellacunn, he immediately thought about Ronson.

The famed Italian director said that according to the novel by Agatha St. Fingergrass, Palinfellacunn is one of the most hideously ugly women in the entire land of San Fufu, a tiny village nestled in the ample bosom of the Carpathian Mountains.

He noted that according to Ms. Fingergrass Sarah is so ugly that coyotes tip toe when they are around her. She has no figure to speak of and she still wears the training bra her mother bought for her at the age of 12, 18 years ago.

Sarah is known in the village of San Fufu as Monique Baroness of The Great Fish Smelling Oceans.

Pellagrini said that he will stay true to the novel and Sarah will appear in most of her scenes smelling like landfill toxic waste from a chemical spill.

Co-starring with Ronson will be Boo Boo Stewart as Leopold The Sultan of Things That Are Lavender-Colored.

Also appearing in the vampire thriller will be Andy Dick, who will be portraying Sir Winky Dinky The Cowardly Dragon Slayer Wannabee.

Dick has already been warned by the producer and director that if he begins to act up and act like an effen spoiled brat he will be immediately fired, thrown into the castle moat, and all of the cast members will be allowed to throw apples and oranges at him.

SIDENOTE: The word is that Lindsay Lohan will have a small cameo role. She will portray Cindastella, the chambermaid who bakes a dragon wing cupcake for Sarah Palinfellacunn.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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