Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: middle age

Saturday, 21 August 2010

image for Feel Old? Fred Durst of Limp BizKit is 40.
I did it all for the Nookie! Fred Durst, ABOVE.

Fred Durst, lead vocalist of Limp Bizkit, often cited as the catalyst for the ruination of the alternative rock explosion of the 1990s, turned 40 years old today.

Born August 20, 1970 in North Carolina, Fred tried out careers as a sailor in the U.S. Navy, which he called the biggest mistake of my life, and as a tattoo artist before starting Limo Bizkit in 1995.

"I f--king hate him," said Nicole L., a former Bizkit fan who has reformed. "I liked 'Faith', so I followed them. Then he got into wars with Eminem, and D-12, and then claimed to bang Britney Spears. He became a parody of himself."

Did you know?

Fred Durst directed music videos for Korn ("Falling Away from Me"), Puddle of Mudd ("Blurry"), Staind ("It's Been Awhile," "Just Go," and "Home"), and other bands who will begin touring as "oldies rockers" around 2015.

One would think that an artist such as Durst would be heading into middle-age fairly flush, financial-wise, but that does not seem to be the case.

According to a website that estimates celebrities' net worth, Durst's bankroll is a little less than $8 million. A sh-tload of moolah for a guy who ate his breakfast cereal out of a coffee pot on his mother's couch this morning, but it is certainly not a lot for a man once making between $15 and $15 million a year.

Fred has crawled out from under a rock a few times since the beginning of the Lady Gaga-era, most recently appearing as a bald-as-f--k bartender in two episodes of Fox's House, MD

(And trust me, the bald head was not clever special effects magic; Durst is rocking a salt-and-pepper toiletbowl shaped patch of hair, joining ear-to-ear. There ain't sh-t up top.

Thus, like all of those that haven't died before they get old, another rock star is thrust by the passage of time into middle-age. Thanks for making us feel so old, ya bald dick.

Just think, kiddies: Marilyn Manson is 41, Johnathan Davis of Korn will be forty next January, and the Chili Peppers' Anthony Kiedes will be 48 before this Thanksgiving.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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