Desperate to win the crown many of this years top-bet beauty pageant contestants have gone topless. Photos of these contestants, nude, with nothing but body paint have appeared all over the Internet.
Pageant CEO Donny "Comb-over' Frump pouted:
"I like looking at naked women. All my wives are getting old and haggard, so this was a good idea."
Outraged feminists who have always opposed this pageant protested even more vehemently than before. Well-known wrinkled feminist Germeen Sneer added her manly voice to these protests:
"I've said it before and I'll say it again. These pageants are nothing but meat markets that trivialize women. As a woman this offends me"
Pageant contestants fell over with laughter. "She's not a woman" they chorused in unison adding "she's just an ugly old cross-dresser".
This earned the wrath of Cross-dressing Old Geezers all over America who also marched on the Pageant headquarters demanding "Equality for the tucked-in"
The cosmetically re-arranged national beauties have been in numerous behind-the-scenes bitch-fights to jeopardize the chances of their rivals.
In lieu of the final "Intelligence" question sham this year's final shoot-out will feature a down-home real American gunfight at the request of the Tea Baggers. Winner takes all.
As usual Misses Venezuela, USA and Mexico are hoping for a knock-down, drag-out, 'duel' to see who wins the crown.
Miss USA - an NRA member and a staunch 2nd Amendment supporter - has been brushing up on her skills at the local shooting range while Miss Mexico has hired her own drug-gang bodyguard shooter to give her 'private' lessons.
Miss Venezuela's gown features hidden 38s to allow her to take out both her rivals in one quick move.
The final shoot-out will be televised 'live' on Aug 23.