Written by Skoob1999
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Monday, 16 August 2010

image for Robert Pattinson Bumps His Head On Cupboard Door - Kristen Stewart Distraught
Lavatory Humour - There's No Getting Away From It

Twilight fans the world over awoke to a living nightmare this morning as news leaked out that tousle haired Robert Pattinson - Edward Cullen, the fiendishly hunky vampire out of the Twilight saga - last night bumped his head on a cupboard door in his own Hollywood kitchen.

Initial reports suggest that Robert had gone into the kitchen with the intention of taking an item out of the cupboard, when he became distracted and bumped his head as he opened the cupboard door.

Pattinson was apparently not seriously injured, or even bruised, but was overheard saying: "Oops - dozy duck!" as he bumped his precious billion dollar head.

Sources report that he wasn't cut or bruised or anything remotely nasty and that he simply laughed the accident off, and promptly forgot all about it, giving it not a second thought.

According to sources, Kristen Stewart - Bella out of Twilight - was distraught when she heard the news about her co-star, not primarily because she feared for his welfare, but because she was running a bit late and curious to know why Emma Watson - Hermione out of Harry Potter - has had her hair cropped short.

We attempted to contact Taylor Lautner and Rupert Grint for updates on potential injuries sustained by Robert Pattinson, but Taylor was out jogging, and Rupert was on the bog having a really big shit.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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