Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 16 August 2010

image for Tila Tequila Says She Was Viciously Attacked At An Illinois Concert Because The Crowd of Juggalos Did Not Like Her Song "Hey Punk Kiss My Junk In The Trunk"
Tila Tequila says she will never again return to Illinois, unless she's offered $1 million.

HARDIN COUNTY, Illinois - Tila Tequila showed up at Hardin County's Corn-On-The-Cob Coliseum expecting to do her 55 minute show, collect her $3,000, go back to her hotel room, and party.

Well it did not quite work out that way. The skinny little Filipino chick had barely gotten half way into singing her latest song "Hey Punk Kiss The Junk In My Trunk" when things started flying from the audience up on stage.

The audience was made up almost 100% of Juggalos, who are fans of the band Insane Clown Posse and other psychopathic hip hop rap artists.

At first Tila thought the fans were throwing little tiny toy vampire dolls which she loves, but then she noticed that the dolls looked more like beer bottles, flashlight batteries, apples, baseballs, tequila bottles, and Lincoln Logs.

Her bodyguards stood in front to try and shield her, but it was too late, Tequila had already been hit several times. She was led away by her 6 foot 10 personal bodyguard Yodell "The Bruiser Bro" Firebrick.

He took Tila back to her trailer but the crazy mob of fans followed them and began rocking the trailer back and forth. They finally managed to tip it over on its side.

Tila and Yodell managed to escape by draping themselves with a bed sheet and pretending that they were both ghosts. They managed to walk away unnoticed.

Ms. Tequila was treated at the local clinic. She said that she will never again return to Illinois, even if they offer her $1 million. Yodell laughed and told her that she would not have to worry about that. He then caught himself and apologized.

SIDENOTE: Tila said that she will have to cancel her next two appearances at Waterloo, Iowa's Cora's Creme Corn Diner, and at Fayetteville Arkansas' Hillbilly Hank's Yummy Yum Yum Barbecue Bar & Grill.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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