Written by Noshing Mink
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Topics: Bible, Walmart

Sunday, 15 August 2010

image for Bones of John the Baptist discovered in Walmart, Akron, OH
Elvis Presley's bones at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean, photographed by some college students using an iPhone

A store clerk has become famous after discovering the bones of John the Baptist in the Walmart where he works.

Ike Ahh, who works in the furniture department of the shop, was clearing out some rubbish when he found the bones lying on the floor next to an air vent. "I didn't realise at first that they were the bones of John the Baptist", said the 18 year old, "but it was obvious that they were very old, so I sent them to the University of Cleveland Department of Bones."

Professor Fossil at Cleveland University confirmed that he had received the bones last week. "We don't normally get bones sent to us by post and I thought it was a college prank. However, just to be on the safe side, I had them checked and the computer said they were the bones of John the Baptist. I was amazed and re-tested them but the result was the same."

It is believed that, contrary to the bible, John the Baptist wasn't killed in the Middle East but may have travelled to America for some unknown reason, ending up in Ancient Ohio, where he fell down and died. A Walmart store was then build around him, with nobody realising who he was.

This isn't the first time the bones of some famous person from the ancient world have turned up in an unexpected place. Last year, the National Enquirer reported that Elvis Presley's bones had been found at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Unfortunately, a sperm whale ate them before the story could be verified.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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