BISMARCK, North Dakota - Madonna performed before a crowd of 11, at Bismarck's Motel 6 Half Dozen of The Other.
She performed for 45 minutes in which she sang the updated versions of her songs "Material Grandmother," "Like A 51-Year-Old Virgin," "Who's That Old Girl," and "Please Cry For Me Argentina."
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Contrary to rumors that have been circulating throughout America, Madonna does not use a walker while she performs. She actually has an assistant Carlos Empanada who stands next to her and is ready to catch her should she fall.]
One of the audience members, Brenda Beth Teakettle, 49, of Aberdeen, South Dakota, said that she really enjoyed Madonna's performance but definitely thought that the $3 tickets were kind of overpriced, but she did feel that the two free drinks made up for it.
Another former fan Roanoke Burntwater, 52, and his wife of 30 years Maddie, 51, said that they drove all the way from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, a distance of about 270 miles, to see the woman whose song was playing in the background the first time they did the 'wild thang.'
Maddie Burntwater blushed and said that it was ironic because the name of the song was "Papa Don't Preach."
A reporter for The Bismarck Daily Informer asked Madonna about the various feuds she has had with other celebrities. Madonna shook her head and said that it was all due to jealousy.
She was asked why she is so jealous of other celebrities.
Madonna exploded, "Look here, numbnuts, I'm talking about other people being jealous of me."
The one time material girl went on and stated that her feud with Miley Cyrus began because she felt that Miley was too young to be singing a song titled "Can't Be Tamed."
Madonna said that the little Hannah Montana bitch had not yet paid her dues.
She then said that regarding her feud with Justin Bieber, he had said that he had never heard of her and Madonna angrily said that she had diaphragms older than him.
Madonna pointed out that she had also had feuds with Clay Aiken, Nancy Grace, and Sofia Vergara.
She was asked if she was planning on having any more feuds. Madonna grinned and said that she definitely was and she was going to fire off a line right now.
The woman who once dated Warren Beatty said that she had seen Rihanna on MTV and that the little mistreated crybaby looked silly as hell with her bright red hair. She said that it made her look like a transgendered version of Ronald McDonald.
Madonna laughed and said "And that's the way you start an effen feud dude."
SIDENOTE: Madonna recently made a negative remark about Michelle "The First Mama" Obama's sleeveless outfits. The president got wind of it and he immediately called up Vice-President Joe Biden and told him to have the IRS go back five years and audit the skanky looking, bingo armed, off-key singing bitch.