Written by Gail Farrelly
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Saturday, 14 August 2010

image for Spider-Man To Star in NYC Show, Searches for Apartment
He can spin a web, but he can't live in one!

Broadway, here he comes! With December 21 as the opening date for the musical, Spider-Man, Turn Off the Dark, the star is frantically searching for a place to live, but so far it's a no-go.

He points out, "I've scaled buildings, spun webs that snared the bad guys, rescued damsels in distress. But I can't seem to do what's really hard: find an affordable apartment in New York City."

Spider-Man is not a complainer and didn't go into all the details of the fruitless (at this point!) search. However, Gail Farrelly, investigative reporter for The Spoof, has discovered the following:

-- Our hero gives his name to the landlords as Peter Parker, but he's fooling no one since he's been conducting his search in full regalia, including the super-tight red headgear. This tends to be a turnoff. Landlords remain unconvinced that he'll be a quiet tenant who will just "fit in" and be a good neighbor.

-- Spider-Man insists on obsessively checking and re-checking the list of tenants in prospective apartment buildings, making sure that he doesn't see names such as the Green Goblin, Vulture, Octopus, the Lizard, or the Sandman.

-- He even tried to buy a coop apartment but disgraced himself at the all-important interview with the coop board. When the chairman of the coop board went to swat a spider that was climbing up the wall of the interview room, our hero immediately whipped out a huge web, snaring the swatter (leaving him screaming and traumatized). Spider-Man tenderly picked up the offending spider and released him onto Fifth Avenue.

On a positive note, rumor is that the coop board may be willing to give Spider-Man another chance. But first he has to attend a series of anger management classes.

Make Gail Farrelly's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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