Written by Tawdry Soup
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Topics: Movies, Hollywood

Friday, 13 August 2010

Another aspiring movie writer has taken a cue from a senior citizen's different take on life and wants to make a movie remake out of it. Despam Menagri was sitting at home with his mother watching MTV, when ex-heroin addict and walking creep show, Russell Brand, appeared on the screen. The next thing he heard was his Mother, Nishta, ask, "What the hell is that thing?"

Suddenly, a light bulb went off in Despam's head. Since the only thing Hollywood vomits into the world is rehashed horse shit, why not do a remake of The Thing? Then he started thinking who might play the hideous and horrifying shape-shifting alien. After one second of thought Despam made a decision. Who else in the world is all of these things and more, but the unfunny dildo and bath-deprived Russell Brand?

Then Despam called his agent and was informed that after his last bomb, Brand is considered box office poison. But due to the talent of a Jewish lawyer, Brand is starring in a remake of Arthur, where he is already playing a revolting monster, or according to the latest promos, a "charming drunk ex-heroin addict."

The agent laughed and said, "The folks making that movie are sweating it out watching Brand's 15 minutes of filthy fame evaporate before the movie is finished. They're praying he keeps diddling Katy Perry until the damn thing's released, or at least exposes himself a couple of more times."

It's rumored that one producer, who corralled several million dollars for the Arthur remake, has declared he wants someone "to stick his head up a hippo's ass" if he ever thinks about doing anything so stupid again.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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