Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 13 August 2010

image for Isle of Wight gays stoned, flogged quips Emma Thompson
An Isle of Wight Fisting Month parade competitor

Cowes - (Fisting News): "It's probably one of the last ancient feudal perks that Islanders enjoy since the abolition of hanging," the Oscar winner remarked, "and undoubtedly a huge tourism draw."

The British actress was speaking on The Late Late Showlast night, explaining to host Craig Ferguson that Irish and Scots visitors to the South Coast isle are routinely shot at by locals.

Her Revelations (Chapter 666, The Beast) have done little to allay fears that the island's hellhole reputation is forged on ancient by-laws permitting torture.

"What's more," Thompson continued, "the island regularly sees homosexuals flogged, stoned and subjected to other Sharia-compliant punishments.

"Call it a theme holiday destination if you like."

Thompson's remarks were picked up by the Cowes Gay, Lesbian and Bi-Sexual Residents Committee who immediately issued a rebuttal parrying her claims.

"It's only a minority, like, that's responsible for that stuff," Committee chair Willie Cockfish retorted.

"Anyone fancy a cockle?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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