12 NAUTICAL MILES OFF THE COAST OF BRITISH COLUMBIA: Ahoy there!! A Thai cargo ship loaded with its illegal cargo of Tamil Tigers is expected to enter Canadian territorial waters early Friday.
In preparation for their arrival, Sher Khan, Canada's Minister for "Cougars, Barracudas, Man-eaters and other deadly female species" told reporters:
"Mais oui....We have readied our top '5-star correctional facilities' to accommodate them before we decide whether we have the thumbs-up to throw them a traditional Canadian Bienvenue"
Famous Vegas magician-illusionists - the geographically-challenged Siegfried & Roy arrived in Eastern Ottawa to head up a welcoming committee. The flashy duo gushed:
"Ve are zo egg-zited to be vurking viz zese Tamil Tigers.
"Ve haf vurked mit Ziberian und Bengal tigers - but Tamil Tigers - nein, never!
"Ja! It vill be fun. Ve are planning to hef zem chump thru fire-filled hoops; march to ze crack of vips vearing leopard-skin capes und zit on big shtools und roar at ze crowds vile an oompah-pah band plays Cherman toons!"