Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 10 August 2010

image for Robert Pattinson's lips out of action
Pattinson, trying to hide the monster zit that has disfigured his lips

World superstar, Robert Pattinson has some bad news for his female fans. His most prized possession, his stunningly kissable lips will be out of action until the spot that has appeared on them goes down, for it currently causes him intense pain whenever he kisses with those lips.

Kristen Stewart is said to be the first casualty as Pattinson will not allow her to kiss him on the lips, leading many to believe that the two might split if they can't share spit.

Industry insider, Teresa Woods, foresees problems.

"In Robert's new movie," said Woods, "he has to kiss several of the world's most beautiful women, but what with this humongous spot that has erupted from his top lip, that might have to be put on hold. However the producers of Kiss Me Quick have said that they could bring in Angelina Jolie as a lip double for the women he has to kiss, for the cushioning she would provide."

Jolie, for her part is said to be excited at the prospect of kissing Robert Pattinson time and time again, however Stewart is less than impressed, given Jolie's track record with movie stars she kisses on screen. Although unavailable for comment, as she was busy looking for extra effective zit cream, a close friend of Stewart's said that she hopes the movie producers can hold off until the spot has gone.

Pattinson's press agency has issued the following statement:

"Despite being in incredible pain whenever he kisses somebody, Robert will try to carry on as normal. The insurance company has agreed to pay out for any loss of earnings that he suffers because of this terrible malady."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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