LOS ANGELES - After months and months of back and forth speculation, it is now official. The cast of Survivor: Nicaragua has finally been announced.
Host Jeff Pobst has said that the two tribes will be the Espada Tribe and the La Flor tribe. Leading the Espada, or Sword Tribe, which is made up of celebrities 40 years old and over, is former Dallas Cowboys coach Jimmy "The Pompadour Hairdo" Johnson.
Johnson is 67, but he says that he feels 47. He said that he received the okay from both his dentist and his hair stylist to participate in the reality show.
The Leader of the La Flor, or the Flower Tribe, which is made up of celebrities 30 years old and younger, will be American Idol reject Tatiana Del Toro who has the most annoying laugh since Pee Wee Herman and Fran Drescher.
The Espada Tribe will be comprised of tribe leader Jimmy Johnson, 67, Willie Nelson, 77, Cloris Leachman, 84, the Reverend Al Sharpton, 55, and newly fired American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi, 39.
The La Flor Tribe will consist of tribe leader Tatiana Del Toro, 23, Rihanna, 22, Macaulay Culkin, 29, Boo Boo Stewart, 16, and Siobhan Magnus, 20.
The show's host Jeff Pobst was asked about the recent outbreak of Jungle Fufinni Fever, which is a type of Malaria, that one gets from coming into contact with the spit of the Chingadera Mosquito. The CM, for short, is only found in Nicaragua, parts of the Netherlands, and in some of Detroit's poorer neighborhoods.
Pobst said that all of the contestants have received the anti-Chingadera Mosquito vaccine, as well as 30 cc's of Poffenquax Deluxe 17.
He pointed out that Poffenquax Deluxe 17 will ward off any other types of diseases found in the jungles of Nicaragua.
He noted that some of these include the dreaded Banana Peel Fungus, which can affect the eardrums, tonsils, and in some rare cases, the sphincter muscle.
He pointed out that another disease is the dreaded Jungle Vine Toe Nail Poofer, which can cause toe nails to completely fall off within four seconds of making contact.
And a third disease is the dreaded Rubber Tree Bark Tiffy Tiffy Hooha Neptunistic Rash which only afflicts women.
Pobst said that what this unusual rash does is that it adheres like a rubber glove to a females clitoris, but he happily added that it will clear up once the affected woman drinks a combination mixture of a gallon of a Castor Oil, a gallon of Olive Oil, and a quart of asparagus-based pudding.
SIDENOTE: Jeff said that he is really looking forward to this year's Survivor: Nicaragua series. He did not want to needlessly upset the team members but he did state that the network has taken out a $1 million insurance policy on each contestant.