Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 7 August 2010

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Hurry Up Witch - I'm Running Late Damnit!

Unconfirmed reports filtering through to Skoob Entertainment News suggest that Robbie Williams was, according to up to the minute reports, running late for his wedding to Ayda Field on some dumb island off the coast of California.

Santa Catalina or somesuch.

Word has it - for whoever's interested - that Robbie was reluctant to be awoken to don his wedding garb this morning, telling his valet to:

"Piss off and let me have another five minutes kip."

Robbie, who apparently isn't used to getting up at ungodly hours of the morning because he's never had a proper job, reportedly rolled over in bed, desperate to catch another five minutes - which made him a bit late for his rendezvous with the lovely Ayda.

The latest we have on this is that Robbie, running late as he is, panicked a bit having a shave and nicked his chin. Insiders say that he doesn't want blood on his chin for the wedding photos, so he's tried staunching the minimal blood flow with some toilet tissue.

Another source told us that he put on the wrong underpants, and odd socks, but that he's frantically attempting to get things back on track and going the extra mile to ensure that all goes well on his big day.

Apparently the rest of 'Take That' can't be arsed going because they don't really need him any more anyway.

Robbie's personal tattooist is said to be on standby in case of emergency.

John Stape out of Corrie seemingly doesn't give a fuck, as he's got enough shit to deal with right now. Thank you very much.

PM David Cameron said that he was "Perfectly clear" on where he stood regarding the Robbie wedding. Which makes a change, because in Cameronspeak "Perfectly clear" usually means "obscured beyond recognition by low cloud, and/or fog/smog."

Live update: Robbie is now running 4 minutes and 38 seconds behind schedule and working hard to make up for lost time.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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