Written by Skoob1999
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Friday, 6 August 2010

image for Justin Bieber To Marry Robert Pattinson In Civil Ceremony?
William Shakespeare - He Liked A Laugh

With Joe McElderry, the X-Factor winner as best man? This according to a so-called Skoob Entertainment News 'source.'

Here in the office our first reaction was one of utter disbelief. Looking at the headline, it swiftly became obvious that some joker was taking the piss in a big way.

A quick scan of our phone records almost immediately revealed the culprit to be none other than our very own showbiz correspondent Buffty Ginslinger.

We traced him to the Follicle and Buttplug public house in Soho's Rupert Street, where we found him holding court, swigging a large G&T and puffing on a Consulate in sheer defiance of the smoking ban, and asked him what the bloody hell he was playing at?

Turning away from his audience of an out of work actress, a stripper killing time, and a Glaswegian pimp, Buffty roared with laughter as he told our reporter:

"My dear boy... Of course Robert Pattinson isn't going to marry Justin Bieber in a civil ceremony! I just made it up! We were having a game between us to see who could come up with the stupidest, most improbable headline. And I won with that one."

As our man frowned, Buffty's eyes bulged, his cheeks inflated, and he roared louder than we've ever heard him roar before - to the point of wetting his plus fours.

"You believed it didn't you?" he guffawed as he wiped tears of laughter away with a perfumed silk handkerchief. "You believed it! My God! I know you're getting desperate for headlines, but dear boy - you must really be scraping the bottom of the fucking barrel if you're prepared to follow up on that load of old bollocks!"

More when the guilt and shame ease up a bit.

Bastard.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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