HOLLYWOOD - Lindsay Lohan, the ex-con has finally made a movie. After going for two years without appearing in a film, the little lost girl known as LiLo will be portraying the very talented Linda Lovelace in Matthew Wilder's Inferno: A Linda Lovelace Story.
In the motion picture Lohan will star as Linda Lovelace who is best noted for her uncanny ability to take a male (blank) and [SEXUALLY EXPLICIT GRAPHIC DETAILS DELETED BY EDITOR AS BEING UNSUITABLE FOR CHILDREN, PRUDES, ALASKANS, OLD BLUE-HAIRED REPUBLICAN WOMEN, AND IMMATURE ADULTS].
Lohan said that she is thrilled to be able to finally make a movie, and a movie that will be quite sexually enjoyable for her.
She pointed out that she has certainly run up the bills lately. She says that she has attorney bills, rehab bills, beverage bills, duck bills, and one bill from her gynecologist for a procedure that he performed on her called a G-spot depuffer.
Lindsay blushingly explained that while in prison she somehow developed a groin infection from sitting on a toilet seat with the seat up.
She said that she first noticed the rash when she looked down and saw that some of her freckles had actually fallen off her crotch region.
Also starring with Lohan in 'Inferno: A Linda Lovelace Story' will be Paris Hilton, Cloris Leachman, Adam Lambert, Barbara Walters, Mrs. Sean Hannity, Kobe Bryant, and seven of The Los Angeles Laker Girls.