Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 5 August 2010

image for America's Got Talent: Prince Poppycock and Murray The Magician Make It - Doogie Horner and Mary Ellen Head On Back Home
Sharon Osbourne is the only member of the America's Got Talent cast that does not have a wiener.

HOLLYWOOD - The America's Got Talent Judges, Piers "The British Bloke" Morgan, Sharon "Sniffles" Osbourne, and Howie "The Germophobic" Mandel are getting better at picking the contestants who will be moving on in the AGT competition.

All three told AGT Host Nick "The Candlestick" Cannon that Mary Ellen, who can best be described as Glenn Beck in drag, horribly awful drag, makeup, and hair, was sent packing.

How in the world the 91-pound walking stick ever got this far is one of TVs mysteries. One cannot even say that she was sleeping with someone because there is no one in America, except for maybe Charlie Sheen, who would even think about sleeping with Mary Ellen much less actually do it.

The poor woman is so homely pigeons will not even land on her. And if a guy was to somehow get drunk enough to go out with her, by the time he sobered up he would be begging her to please not let him get to first base.

Mary Ellen is a woman who can surely make Amy Winehouse look like a Victoria's Secret Model.

Another contestant who went home was comedian Doogie Horner, who certainly had all of the earmarks of an Amish stalker. Watching Doogie say his one liners was kind of like watching your dentist remove a wisdom tooth...by way of your nostrils.

Two who will move on are Prince Poppycock, who should really be known as Princess Poppycock, since he/she actually looks like a girl more than probably 98 percent of the girls do, except of course for the bulge in his pants and then it makes him/her look like Lady Gaga.

Prince P Cock, as he/she prefers to be known, wears more makeup than the entire cheerleading squad of the Los Angeles Laker Girls.

Prince P Cock says that he likes girls but that he enjoys acting like a girl and swishing and swaying like a girl because it helps him get the guys.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I have seen Princess Poppycock and I must say that he or she definitely makes Clay Aiken, Elton John, and Richard Simmons seem like they are members of the Hells Angels by comparison.]

Murray the Magician will also be going on in the competition. Murray has an uncanny ability to make a tiger appear out of no where. It did not come from his sleeves, his shirt, and certainly not from his underwear.

He said that next week he hopes to make an Orca whale appear out of nowhere.

Howie Mandel says that Murray is so good he can even make his mom's menopause (change of life) go away.

Piers asked him if he could perhaps make Sharon (Osbourne's) annoying voice go away. Sharon fired back at Piers by asking Murray if he could do three things. One, make Piers stupid-ass facial expressions go away. Two, make his whining British accent go away. And three, turn his wiener into a muffin so that his wife of three weeks will get up and leave his sorry, sarcastic, arrogant arse (ass).

SIDENOTE: Nick Cannon says that his wife Mariah Carey is doing fine. He smiled and said that her doctor said that by the time Mariah has their twin girls, she will almost look like 409 pound Kirstie Alley, except for the fact that she can sing, she can dance, and she's black.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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