Following the release of an internet clip on notorious website hehhehsortedwinkwink.con depicting explicit lesbianese sex acts in a shower stall, with soap bubbles and a loofah...
Which named the participating lesbian couple as Emma Watson - Hermione Granger out of the Harry Potter films - and Katy Perry - fiancee of potty-mouthed 'comic' Russell Brand, who kissed a girl and liked it - the prestigeous pair have emphatically denied any involvement in what they jointly described as 'a money making scam.'
The 4 minute clip, featuring lesbian acts of such gross indecency that we couldn't even begin to describe them here - especially the anal soap on a rope trick - has been panned by Watson and Perry's PR people.
"You can tell it isn't them," said J. D. Slazenger, an Emma Watson staffer. "Neither Emma nor Katy have 34FFF silicone breasts - and the other woman in the clip, the one with the Brazilian in the shape of a swastika, she's seventy years old if she's a day. It might claim to be Emma and Katy, but it really isn't. It's just misleading vulnerable and gullible fools into parting with £2.99 We felt that fans should be warned not to get sucked into this kind of misleading nonsense."
Somebody claiming to represent Russell Brand told us:
"Russell's appalled by this. He thinks it's despicable, and he's really concerned that it may upset Katy's grandfather. He told me to say that the people who posted this clip are snivelling shits. And he asked me to say that he hasn't seen Jonathon Woss in months."
More as we get it.