LITTLE ROCK - The lieutenant governor of the state of Arkansas Clyde "Bubbaface" Gritflicker told his personal moonshine provider Tucker "Fumes" Pinkus, that he has dumped his Hollywood girlfriend Kourtney Kardashian of the famous fat-assed Kardashian sisters.
The lieutenant governor confided that he felt that Kourtney, who is 30, had just gotten a little bit too long in the tooth for his liking.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: It is a well-know fact that Arkansas females are considered to be 'old maids' if they hit 16, and are still 'unhitched' (single). So a 30-year-old like Kourtney has really missed the boat, the plane, and the plowing tractor (no pun intended).]
Gritflicker said that he broke the news to K-Butt, as he called her during their 'sparkin' sessions, while both were out on his farm gigging (spearing) for frogs at midnight.
He said that at first K-Butt just looked at him thinking that maybe he'd just had a little bit too much moonshine and it was just the darn moonshine talking.
But when he patted her on her ass with the butt of his shotgun and asked her to return his lucky rabbit's foot K-Butt, or rather Kourtney, knew that the old coot was as serious as a butter churning tool.
Kourtney began to weep, and sob, and even passed a little g*s in the process. "Bubbaface" handed her a corn shuck, which he told her to use as a handkerchief, and asked her to please refrain from letting anymore rip, for fear that the sound and ensuing smell would run off the frogs.
Gritflicker said that he was surprised that K-Butt took it as well as she did. He said that his previous girlfriend Wanda Lola Huntfickle, 19, had actually bit him on both knees, lit his ears on fire with a Bic Lighter, and fired two warning shots at his pet bird dog, Condoleezza, when he broke up with her back in January.
In a related story. The lieutenant governor's wife Sue Betty Gritflicker was asked what she thought about her husband breaking up with his Hollywood celeb girlfriend. Mrs. Gritflicker, took a puff from her Pall Mall Cigarette, spit on the linoleum floor, and just shook her head and said that old "Bubbaface" still does not know what the hell he wants. She then added that she was still gonna remain in her adulterous relationship with her first cousin, Bubba Earl "Scooter" Tattintit, in their one-room trailer house in Tater Tots, Arkansas.