It is a sad fact that Wayne Rooney has never sported a physique that could be described as remotely 'atheletic'. However, notwithstanding the fiasco in South Africa, he has displayed at times, an extraordinary talent on the football field.
However, even his most ardent fans are today despairing at the off-the-field antics of their erstwhile foot-balling hero.
Often now seen, beer or cigarette in hand, he was even photographed last night, falling out of a Manchester bar and appeared to be urinating against a dustbin.
This, his critics say, is not the behaviour of a sports star or athlete, rumoured to be earning in excess of £150,000 per week!
We are pleased to report however that Rooney's behaviour, which has seen his weight balloon to a gut-busting 16 stone, is due to a simple misunderstanding, according to friends.
Wayne Rooney is set to make a guest appearance in the iconic Simpsons, in which he is to go head-to head with Homer in a doughnut eating and beer drinking contest.
Unfortunately, Wayne had failed to appreciate that 'The Simpsons' was a cartoon, and thought that he would be appearing 'in person'.
'I feel such a twat', said Wayne 'I've been in training for the last six weeks and have developed quite a taste for doughnuts and beer. Doh!'.