Written by Monkey Woods

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Topics: Lindsay Lohan

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

image for Lindsay Lohan 'Nearly Blind'
A security van ready to whisk Lohan away from the jail

US actress, Lindsay Lohan, released from jail yesterday after serving more than two weeks out of the rays of the sun, is nearly blind according to medical staff who were present just prior to her release.

Lohan, 24, staggered out of the Century Regional Detention Facility to the south of Los Angeles at daylight yesterday, to the gasped horror of fans who had waited for a glimpse of the superstar drinker since the moment she was imprisoned, all those days ago on 20 July.

So pale, she looked like a ghost, Lohan had also not shaved for the duration of her stay, and sported an unkempt white beard. Her red eyes were sunken into her face, and she winced as she blinked in her first rays of sunlight for more than '14 moons'. Doctors steadied her as she made her way to a waiting limousine, to be whisked away to a secret location somewhere in the Bahamas. One said:

"A stay of this length away from the sun is not good news for the eyes. If she's not careful, she will soon be blind. Blind drunk, that is."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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