Written by Skoob1999
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Monday, 2 August 2010

image for Jack Duckworth Whacked In Corrie Tram Slam Disaster
There'll Be Rivers Of Blood On The Cobbles - I Say - Rivers Of Blood On The Cobbles.

It's the worst kept secret in Soapland - we all know that there's going to be an apocalyptic tram disaster in Coronation Street, involving the viaduct on Viaduct Street collapsing, and a tram slamming into the corner shop and the Kabin.

With great loss of life, and probably limb as well.

It's also been quite widely reported that Jack Duckworth will cash in his chips and gravy (he loves his gravy does our Jack) in the cataclysmic disaster.

But here for the first time, in a world exclusive, Jack Duckworth tells us how he feels about it all, and we speculate about who else is crap and ought to get the chop. Jack told Skoob Entertainment News:

"It's not every day you go to work knowing you won't be going home - that you're going to die an agonising death in a heap of twisted metal and broken masonry, but that street's been good to me. And I want to give something back. I had me pigeons, me pints in the Rovers, our Vee and her stone cladding, our Terry - bastard - and Ty, the good son I never had. And young Molly. Life's been good to me - holidays with our Vera at Blackpool and that - so if I have to die in a pile of twisted metal and broken masonry, wi' me chest all caved in and that, bleeding like a stuck pig with one arm hanging off and unable to feel me legs - then so be it. I'll die a happy man. Even if I am racked with agony."

Some of the favourites at Barlow's Bookies on Coronation Street to be terminated in the tram carnage include Dev out of the corner shop (because he is a boring arse) Molly Dobbs (it would tie up the Kevin's baby storyline quite nicely) Maria Connor (because they obviously brought her back to kill her) Betty Turpin (because she's 90 and people are sick and tired of her bloody hotpot) Lewis the gigolo (because he's a sleazeball) John Stape (ditto) and Carla (because her voice is really starting to grate)

There are others, which we'll bring to you after careful consideration...

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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