Written by Bureau
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Sunday, 1 August 2010

image for Taylor Lautner NOT Dead!

The news sent many a teenager running to the telephone about an hour ago with the CCB News Network announcing that Twilight actor, Taylor Launner was NOT dead.

Apparently, there was a part time actor who did commercials that had been badly injured in an auto wreck, by the name of Larry Taylor. Not really even close, but someone who needs glasses apparently started the rumor and it has ran wild over the web and texting.

Young ladies have just been seen running or driving over to a close friend's house to share the news: Taylor Lautner is NOT dead! What are we going to do? I miss him already!"

Also many parents have looked at each other and shrugged, "So when is someone NOT being dead such a big thing? I'm not dead. Is she excited about that? No."

Since the news announcement, millions of young girls have been crying out in the streets.

"Did you hear the latest, Taylor Lautner is NOT dead. Isn't it awful? I mean...I'm confused. Why did he have to die? No, that was earlier."

Big piles of stuffed wolves have been hastily gathered back up and positioned in a special place in many bedrooms.

Flowers taken out of the woods have been presented to startled mothers as a bouquet.

Twilight fans around the world are in mourning and don't know why.

Even a Special News Bulletin has come over network television that says "Taylor Lautner is NOT dead. None of us here ever knew that he was dead. But, doing as we are told, Taylor Lautner is NOT dead."

Finally, Taylor Lautner came on the news himself on a cable station to tell all his fans that he was NOT dead! "Believe me, guys. If I were dead, I would be the first one to know nothing about it."

President Obama has canceled the CODE RED alert after millions of people left the streets and went back to their homes.

"Did you see him", one fan asked another as our reporter went by. "He looked soooo cute! This is just awful!"

Make Bureau's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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