Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 31 July 2010

image for Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt To Divorce on Grounds of Irreconcilable Plastic
Montag and Pratt are still fighting over custody of their pet dog named Hillbilly.

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - The divorce that many had been expecting has arrived. Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, who starred in the hit series The Hills, have decided to part ways.

Montag will journey into the world of plastic and Pratt will most likely wander off into the world of rap music, which for him will very quickly lead to oblivion.

Montag's attorney, Syndi Sue Wallowfookin, who has represented such well known clients as Rush "Tubby" Limbaugh, Kathy "The Red Cougar" Griffin, Donald "Mr. WMD" Rumsfeld, and Clay "The Gay" Aiken, stated that her client Ms. Montag got tired of hearing her husband, Spencer Pratt, constantly belittle her by making plastic jokes about her.

Wallowfookin said that Pratt would say that whenever Heidi worked up a sweat that beads of plastic would come out of her sweat pores.

He would also say that Heidi had enough plastic in both boobs to make a ten-man Colorado River life raft.

Heidi said that the last straw was when Spencer told Barbara Walters that she had, had her G-spot stuffed with plastic and that it now was the size of a plum except not as shiny, juicy, or dark.

Meanwhile Pratt's attorney, Avalon Von Tiffentickler, said that his client resented the fact that Ms. Montag began referring to her husband as looking a lot like the 50s marionette Howdy Doody, except with more freckles, not as many strings attached, and no where near as much wood.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Montag winked when she mentioned the 'wood' part.]

Von Tiffentickler also stated that Ms. Montag also began saying that Jon "Mr. 3-Inches" Gosselin was way bigger in the wiggle widget department than her husband.

Pratt adamantly denied that charge stating that it had been six months since Montag had seen his wienie and that he had gone in and had winky augmentation done and it had kicked up the size of his taco tickler a full inch and a half.

The bottom line in the Montag-Pratt divorce is that 23-year-old Heidi Montag and 26-year-old Spencer Pratt need a long way to go before they grow up and become the mature, civilized, responsible adults that Kate and Jon Gosselin have become. Hmmmm.

SIDENOTE: And so it appears that both parties have agreed that the divorce will be filed under a brand new California statute known as irreconcilable plastic.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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