Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 31 July 2010

image for Kara DioGuardi's Rubbing Up Against Simon Cowell Got Her Fired From American Idol
American Idol host Ryan Seacrest shown on his pet ass Fluffy will not be replaced.

HOLLYWOOD - The producer of American Idol was asked why he fired judge Kara DioGuardi. Simon Shindlebocker, senior executive producer stated that he fired Ms. DioGuardi after she refused to stop rubbing her New York tits against Simon (Cowell) during last season's shows.

Shindlebocker said that he received thousands of letters from parents and grandparents saying that they had young kids watching and that they did not appreciate the mature DioGuardi acting like some boy-crazy high school sophomore slut who spreads her legs just in order to be popular, get dates, and in some cases lunch money.

Shindlebocker and the show's director Simon Witleywine, no relation to Whitney Houston, both met with Ms. DioGuardi on seven different occasions and asked her to stop rubbing her middle-aged, but still quite nubile knockers on Simon Cowell's crotch region.

When that did not work they met with her again and told her that if she did not stop reaching underneath the judges table during the commercials and grabbing Cowell's "Little Simon" they would terminate her contract at the end of the season.

They also let her know in no uncertain terms that they would file a sexual harassment lawsuit on behalf of the Englishman known as The Sultan of Sarcasm, The Count of Criticism, The Royal Rude Dude, and The Viceroy of Venom.

Shindlebocker said that Kara told them that if Simon did not like her playing with his winky (wiggly worm) then he should have told her himself.

She said that 'Simple Simon' as she calls him never once told her to stop touching his penis and truth be told Kara said that on several occasions Simon actually handed her a $50 bill underneath the judges table.

Nevertheless, as Shindlebocker said, we've already lost about 2 million viewers and we cannot afford to lose any more to a woman who just cannot seem to control her damn friggin hormones. So therefore in the words of Donald "The Hairdo From Hell" Trump, "Kara - you're fired!"

SIDENOTE: There will be quite a revamping on American Idol. Aerosmith's Steven "Tuna Lips" Tyler will replace Simon. Jennifer "Junk in The Trunk" Lopez will replace Kara. No one will replace the lesbianite, Ellen DeGeneres and Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson will remain, but he actually should have been fired because all he ever says is "Ah that was pitchy dawg. I just did not like it. And did I mention that I worked with Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Journey, Madonna, and John Philip Sousa."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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