Friends and supporters of the actress, Emma Watson - Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies - have finally had a belly full of bullshit stories circulating on the internet purporting to show Emma nude, naked, wearing a tiny bikini in Hawaii, or having an intimate relationship with fellow cast member Rupert Grint.
It is thought that Emma's friends have called time on cheap websites offering nude photographs of the star for a small subscription fee, when in fact no such material exists in the public domain.
"We know that some young lads, and some filthy minded old fuckers have a sexual lust thing going on over Emma," a source told us. "And we can live with that. But it all starts getting a little sick in the head when they start to google 'Emma Watson Nude' and there's a link to it. Because it's just bullshit. It isn't there - it's just shysters trying to rack up website hits for their own personal gain."
Ms Watson's people have vowed to trace these internet pirates and prosecute them to the full extent of the law.
Even if they live in India, or Nigeria.
"It's just crass, cynical exploitation of a contemporary cultural icon," one supporter told our man. "And in some respects we shouldn't be defending the sad fuckers who google this shit by bringing the fraudsters to justice, but we have to start somewhere."
"At the end of the day, it's all about points," a porcupine told us as he sharpened his quill.
"Look at me, I'm just whoring for eyeballs," said Delores DeGlories of Las Vegas, Nevada.
We'll bring you some tea as soon as the kettle boils.
Credit - the author thinks to the best of his recollection that the term 'Whoring For Eyeballs' was coined by MOOSE AND SQUIRREL. If not, then somebody else, but thanks anyway.