Written by Bill Licks
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Topics: Music, Wanted

Friday, 30 July 2010

image for New boy band The Wanted are wanted for crimes against music
'Fuck The Wanted, we worship at the alter of Lord Larry Blackmon'

Police have launched a nationwide manhunt today for five men who have committed a crime that involves the vicious rape and assault of music.

The five crap-haired, personality free individuals were last seen in a shopping centre in West London brutally attacking a song in front of hundreds of screaming teenage girls.

The terrified teenagers could suffer a short period of mental trauma as they try to overcome the noise they were submitted to and may even react as if they actually enjoyed the monotonous drone.

The men in their early twenties are not thought to pose a danger to the public on their own but police have warned people to stay indoors and put their fingers in their ears if the five are spotted together.

Police have described the situation for music as an 'All Time Low' which is coincidently the name of the quintet's new single.

A spokesmen for the Metropolitan Police said, 'Music will find it hard to recover from this and we all pray for its speedy recovery. Hopefully if any teenage girls who clicked on this web page looking for the latest gossip on their current favourite heroes click on this, and maybe this, and how can you go wrong with this, then music will begin to get better again.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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