American Idol has shed another person from its dwindling list of male judges: Ellen Degeneres has been fired. Or, she resigned, if you are to believe her.
"This didn't feel like the right fit for me," DeGeneres scrawled on an Idol bathroom wall in feces. "It was a difficult decision to make, but my work schedule became more than I bargained for."
American Idol, loved by gay men and home-bound invalids from coast to coast, has been hemmorhaging judges since 2009. In addition to losing DeGeneres and co-creator Simon Cowell, judge Karin Dio LaGuardia, who played Katherine McPhee's mother in Season Five of Idol, has also been sh-tcanned.
Degeneres, who is as qualified to judge vocal performances as I am to judge bra-strap comfort, believes that her departure will not lead to financial ruin.
"I made plenty off of my talk show," said DeGeneres, talking with a lump in her pants --- throat! Throat. Sorry!
"And, if money gets tight," concluded Degeneres, "I've got a Portia out in the garage that's serving no purpose. I can always get rid of that."
Editors Note: American Idol host Ryan Seacrest, who spent the morning singing "Ding Dong, The Wicked Witch Is Dead" at the top of his lungs, would not comment on the story.