Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 29 July 2010

image for New Jersey Governor Chris Christie Wants The Cast of The Jersey Shore Outta Here!
New Jersey's Passaic River is one of the Mafia's favorite rivers.

TRENTON, New Jersey - Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey told The Today Show's Matt Lauer that he wants the cast and crew of the reality shore Jersey Shore out of his state and back in New York where the guidos and guidettes belong.

Governor Christie said that he does not want people in the other 47 states to think that the way this bunch of Italian hooligans acts is the way that nice, civilized, Italian hooligan citizens of the Garden State act.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: The governor said 47 states, but I am 100 percent certain he actually meant to say 49 states.]

Governor Christie also wanted to make it clear that not all girls of Italian descent are 4 foot 8 inches tall like Snooki is. He also said that most of New Jersey's young adults do not spend eight hours a day at tanning salons or laying around at the beach saying things like "hey youse, take a gander at the banana in my swim trunks."

The producer of the show told the governor that his show provides the state of New Jersey with millions of dollars in free advertisement.

Governor Christie said that he would just like to remind him that New Jersey was here way before his cast and crew of sprayed on tan folks crossed the state line and started acting like they own the place.

Christie said that the only person who he ever saw act like he owned the place and rightly so was the late great Frankie Sinatra.

The governor said that this Situation guy is really just a guy who now commands $25,000 just to go into a mall and say "Hey" to the mall shoppers.

SIDENOTE: The Governor said that several mobsters have called him and let him know that if the cast doesn't listen to his request and leave Jersey, they will see to it that they don't ever leave Jersey and that the fish in the Passaic River will be kissing their suntanned lips like they were made out of fishing bait.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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