Written by Bureau
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Topics: Lindsay Lohan

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

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On her fifth day in the slammer, Lindsay Lohan now claims that the cell is haunted.

"I'm not on anything either..I mean anything that's illegal. Just take my 14 regular pills", stated the wide-eyed actress.

Asked what exactly she had seen, Lindsay told reporters who were allowed in so that she couldn't charge the jail with isolation, that she had dropped off to sleep, awakened and saw a dead Elvis on the crapper.

"He was fully dressed, just had his pants down, and he looked white. I knew it was Elvis because of the blue suede shoes."

"Maybe it was Carl Perkins?"


"Never mind."

"No, it wasn't one of those Elvis impersonators. His poop smelled like bananas and peanut butter."

After retelling the story all the way through and then starting on it a third time, the reporters left.

"So it was Elvis last night?", inquired the guard?


"The night before, Leonard, the other guard stated it was Lenny Bruce."

"Would she even KNOW Lenny Bruce?"

"She stated that he cussed her up one wall and down the other so she said that it must have been Lenny Bruce."

This is Chester Ingraham for UP2.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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