Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 28 July 2010

image for America's Got Talent: Haspop, C.J. Dippa, and The Kayla and Sadie Belly Dancing Duo Look Good
Denver belly dancer Kaya showing her 20 inch waist. (Photo courtesy of Howie Mandel).

HOLLYWOOD - The host of America's Got Talent Nick "The Stick" Cannon said that the acts keep getting better and better.

Eleven year old rapper C.J. Dippa showed the audience and the judges that he can rap with the best of them. And the amazing thing about C.J. is that he is a little white boy from Dallas.

Howie called him the next white M.C. Hammer. Piers told him that he should change his name to C.J. Pliers. Sharon said that she would like to take him home so that he could perform for her husband Ozzy who would probably laugh so hard his stuttering would probably go away.

Another contender is Haspop, who bills himself as half dancer, half gymnast with a French twist. He says that he left his home country of France during the Croissant Epidemic of 1993.

Haspop is so talented and can contort his body to where his left ear ends up real close to his sphincter muscle. He also said that he has the gift of being able to take his tongue and touch his cowlick with it.

But the act that certainly made Howie Mandel and Piers Morgan sit up and take notice was the Denver belly dancing duo of Kaya and Sadie.

Sharon Osbourne said that the two girls really left an impression on Piers and Howie as she could clearly see both of their crotches and there was something most definitely stirring in dem der parts, as TV western cowboy star Hopalong Cassidy would have said.

Nick even said that for three seconds he almost forgot that he was married to the beautifully talented mother to be of his twin daughters Mariah Carey.

But sadly the one act that bombed all to hell was senior citizen comedian Chips Cooney. Chips who lists himself as a comedian/magician in the previous shows had been so lousy that he was actually good.

He could make lint disappear, fake doves come out of his boxer shorts, and even reach in Sharon's bra and pull out a piece of chewed up gum.

But alas, this time, his shtick kind of hit a sand bar and Chips became so horribly lousy that he actually became lousy.

All three judges X'ed him. Even the Nickster who does not have an X button X'ed him.

Chips did take it all in stride though saying that he would be back next year with an act that had him being a human cannonball while wearing nothing but a fake moustache and a sock puppet on his bibbidy boo (diddly dipper).

SIDENOTE: The taping of the show had to be stopped when Sharon "Sniffles" Osbourne sneezed and Howie got go upset that he had to go back to his dressing room and take a shower and cover himself with Purell.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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